2013- A million emotions!!!!
I am not sure what I was thinking or hoping for, but I woke up in 2013 with great peace but still with a broken heart!!! I knew that it wouldn't just go away but I dreamed of a fresh start!!! Well it is- a fresh start with continued healing, continued peace, and still the heartache and desire to hold and love that beautiful precious baby boy of mine who is wrapped in the arms of jesus and playing with his angel buddies!!! Here's to 2013!!!
1/18/2013- Well today was a hard day- not only were we laying our precious Aunt Yolanda to rest after a tragic accident, but we also had to find the strength to step foot back in the same funeral home of which we just 5 short months ago celebrated the life of our precious Brady!! We did it, I will not say that it was easy, but we did it!! Our sweet little girl has been in that funeral home too many times in her short life, but she is our strength in all that we go through and we do it as a family!
That little girl is something else, she is 7 months old, 4 months adjusted and she is rolling both ways, army crawling, buzzing through the house in her walker, and almost sitting up!!!! She is my little fighter!!! Weighing in at a whopping 13 lbs. A big Girl Now!!!!! Her Daddy and I are so proud of her, we just watch her in aww at how precious each moment spent with her is!!! We often talk about her precious brother and what he would have been like!!!! I can't wait to tell her about her brother one day!!! I am not gonna lie, it is still hard!! I am not sure that it will ever be easy, but I am thinking that I will just learn each day how to live with the pain a little better!! And already I have learned so much about that, b/c at first you think that you couldn't possibly do something normal but you do b/c you have to. Going back to work was my best decision b/c it feels normal. It feels good to conduct a normal day, but I can assure you that there is not one hour that passes that I don't think about both precious Brady and Taylor and how I miss him so much everyday!!!!
I love this, in which a very special and sincere person gave to me:
"The Mourner's Bill of Rights"
1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
2. You have the right to talk about your grief
3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions
4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits
5. You have the right to experience "griefbursts"
6. You have the right to make use of ritual
7. You have the right to embrace spirituality
8. You have the right to search for meaning
9. You have the right to treasure your memories
10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal
This is so comforting!!!
Well, we are so blessed to have our beautiful Taylor who blows our mind at how quickly she is changing, and who is truly the sunshine in our everyday. But we miss Brady terribly and that will never go away!!!
We love you Brady Wiles, Love Daddy, Mommy and Taylor!!!!!
