5/18/13- I have just really been missing my precious, beautiful little boy!!! I really do believe and trust that I know what Brady's purpose was here on this earth- and I will see to it that his daddy and I fullfill that purpose. And I do also believe that this was God's master plan!!! But, that does not mean that I don't cry, get mad, want to scream b/c I wanted that little boy more than anything. I wanted Taylor to have her twin brother to grow with and play with. That was all taken from me ;( And I am sad, mad, angry, disappointed, and just plain devastated .
It is insane the things that a devastated mommy will do, like the other night I was on my way home from work at 8:45 and it was all that I could do not to drive all the way to the cemetary to just lay by Brady's grave. I just wanted to go lay with him and talk to him, but I didn't go b/c I also needed to get home and see my precious Taylor!!!
Burst of emotion just come over me and I will just talk or cry out loud and talk to Brady!!!!
The other day I was driving home from the grocery store and Taylor was in the back just cooing and babbling and out of pure joy I just burst out crying b/c I wanted to be hearing both of my babies babbling, and out of the blue a beautiful Butterfly just swooped down in front of my windshield and I just knew that was Brady saying mommy don't cry, I am okay!! I spoke out and said I know you are with me Buddy- Taylor, and mommy and daddy feel you everyday!!!
These things might sound crazy, but it is totally out of your control when you have lost a child, and especially a child that you had prepared for and decorated for and bought for!! I love and miss him, and I am continuing everyday to watch him grow through his beautiful sister- we show her pictures of him everyday and mention his name in every conversation!!!
Although time is slowly healing this wound, I will never forget him or the pain that goes with having to say good bye to him- the vision of his last breath will never escape me (although it was devastating, I am so proud that our little family of four held strong and walked through this journey with him all the way to the end). But I cherish and remember and hold on to every minute/second/hour of the 74 days that I had to spend with him!!!
As for Taylor she is unbelievable-she blows my mind!!! She is 11 months (8.5 months adjusted) She is standing and cruising, saying mama, dada (yes dada was her first word). She is like lighting when she crawls. She continues to be our rock and one day we will tell her what she did for this family!!!
That little girl Rocks!!! I love you Taylor and love and miss you everyday Brady!!!
We love you, Mommy and Daddy!!!!
