7/14/13- Well, I haven't blogged in some time, but I just needed to come to this special place tonight.
We just had an incredible family vacation, and wow Taylor's first Beach trip ;) My whole family-my family of three, my mom/dad, my sister/brother in law/nephew and my brother/sister in law. We had a fantastic week at the beach, sunshine everyday, great food, a date night out to the race just Justin and I, relaxation, sun-tanning, swimming...Taylor loved the beach, she ate the sand and I just let her, she drank the ocean water and I just let her b/c she was having fun, the girl was in heaven-she had a ball- it was incredible!!!! We had been looking forward to this vacation, b/c it was our first real vacation since the babies were born. We also just really needed a getaway- well it was perfect. I love my family.
I had made a promise to myself, that although I knew I would miss and think about Brady I wasn't going to let it consume me or control my trip. I did good, while I missed him and thought of him, and smiled of him often, even cried a few times, I focused my trip on Taylor's first Beach experience and the memories to be made and boy did we make some awesome memories for her. Daytona Beach 2013.
Well I definitely wasn't prepared for how I would feel when I got home, it was/is weird, and very hard to explain. As we drove down the drive and we passed Brady's Bridge, I glanced over at his sign/bridge and I had this overwhelming feeling that something had been left behind or that something was missing... Well it was, we aren't a family of three, we are a family of four... Brady was supposed to share that first beach experience, first ocean experience, first pool experience, first family beach photo. It all came down on me, I cried the whole first evening we were home, it felt sort of like the first night we were home without him after he passed. I cried out to Justin, b/c I have been doing so well and staying so strong and now my feelings were back full swing. He comforted me and reassured me that it would get better.
I'm not really sure what or why this was triggered, but what I can tell you is that I miss that little boy so much and as I pray and talk to Brady everynight I feel his presence more and more. I will see him again one day and I know it will be beautiful. But boy would I give anything just to hold him one more time and snuggle him one more time, give him one more bath, change his clothes one more time........ on and on......!!!
They are 13 months old now which is so hard to believe!!! Taylor is standing independently, but just not quite ready to take that first step, but it is definitely any day now;) She is awesome, as I have said a thousand times and will continue to say-one day this precious little girl will learn to understand how much she helped her mommy and daddy during a terribly devastating time. I love you Taylor Reese!!! And Brady Wiles we will all be together again one day, We love you so much!!!!!
