9/5/13-
Today was a GREAT day!!! I started the beginning of a tradition that I want to continue forever. My, mom, sister and I (hopefully one day my sis n law will be able to go;) )always go to the Yellow Daisy Festival, and this year Taylor Reese went with us- our special girls tradition!!!!!
It felt so good to have such a great day, b/c over the last year there have actually been a few times that I asked myself if I would ever have a Great Day again-even though I knew I would it felt impossible.
We went and celebrated Brady's anniversary and our 7th wedding anniversary at Rosemary Beach, it was painful, it was sad, anger came back, disappointment came back, every emotion that I felt just one short year ago. But, we meant that we were going to make it a celebration. So we lit a special candle meant for remembrance, and we allowed it to burn for 26 hours. I can't describe it, it actually felt like there was a presence amongst us, it was beautiful- in memory of our precious Brady!!!!! This trip was the beginning of me realizing that we can have fun still/again, we can live again, we can breathe again- all of those felt like they were gone. I am quite certain I have aged 10 years in the past year, but this was my turning point!!! This was an absolutely incredible trip!!
So many wild and reassuring signs:
I really believe that while I would never ask for Brady to be back here on earth, and while he will never be back in my arms here on earth- We will be together again for eternity!!!! I also know that god sends me beautiful symbolism of him, it is amazing!!!! There are days that I'm not sure I will make it through and low and behold, a beautiful butterfly will escort me down the drive, or hovever over me as I groom my flowers or lawn, and even times when I am crying while driving and one will just swoop down in front of the windshield. That is my reassurance that god hears me ;)))))
I can't make sense of some things, but I do feel certain that all that I endure is meant to aid in my healing process. Like the fact that everyday for this past year, I have either seen a set of twins or met someone with twins and I mean every single day. Although it is in a sense like daggers at times, it is therapeutic in making me work through my pain.
Brady Wiles has made me a person that I really like, I thought of myself as a good person: honest, sincere, loyal prior to my loss, but I am even more of the person I wanted to be- all of those things plus a woman who is very strong in my faith, and I look at life and people with a very different eye. Brady Wiles you are the most corageous person I know, you showed me more about life in 74 days than I have learned in my 33 years here on earth. I love you and miss you everyday!!! Oh what I would give to hold you, smell you, kiss you, feed you , on and on, just one more time- But I know the incredle journey you are on, live it up Buddy!!! We are taking great care of your sister- she is incredible!!!! We love you!!!!
Taylor Reese is so precious, beautiful, strong, brave, you name it!!! I love that girl!!!! She too has shown me what life is really about, one day I will tell her all about what her and her brother did for me and what they taught me!!!! Today my life is surrounded by positivity, I love my job, I have surrounded myself with people who value life and respect others as much as I do!!!! I love my family and friends- That is what life is all about!!!!!
We are taking our dream trip this month and are looking forward to having Taylor along with us as we take a road trip across Colorado, Wyoming, and Montana!!!!! We can't wait, and I can't wait to journal all about it!!!
