12/12/14- -Well Today my sweet Taylor is 2 1/2 years old....WOW..... Hard to believe my baby is growing up so fast!! She is so amazing- I look at her everyday and feel so grateful for what I have learned as her Mommy. I appreciate this little girl more than words....I give so much thanks to her sweet Brother Brady who taught me what really matters about life. I'm not saying that I don't get frusturated when it takes me an hour longer to shop, or feel overwhelmed when my house is messy, or feel tired, but I definitely love and appreciate all of the normal things that go hand in hand with being a mommy!!! Thank you Taylor and Brady for making me the mommy that I am and teaching me so much about life over the past 2 1/2 years!!!
Well Taylor is just rocking along: She still loves baby dolls, She has Four favorite Princess (Sophia, Ariel, Belle, and Cindrella), She loves Mickey Mouse, Cooking and having tea parties are what our mornings off together consist of, She loves to review all of her colors, She loves to tell me her letters and associate with appropriate word (D for Dad, T for Taylor, Z for zoey, K for Kieran), She says in a very exaggerated manner "I'm 2 years old", She gets a few songs mixed up but it is so cute I can't correct it "You wanna Build a snowman because the bible tells me so" (a little frozen and jesus loves me;)))))) We practice gymnastics all the time and she loves class with Mrs Nicole, etc, etc.
This girl blows me away;)))) I am so lucky to be her mommy- I can only imagine how amazing Brady is!!! Boy oh Boy do I wonder everyday.... I out of the blue told a patient about him today. I typically wouldn't do that , but you know what it felt so good!!! I love that Boy more than anything and want to tell everyone that I see all about him!! Sometimes I just do.
Friday, December 12, 2014
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Celebrating A true Miracle.....
9/21/14- Today is no special day, it is just another day..... But for whatever reason my babies-both of them have been heavy on my mind. This is actually not uncommon as not a day goes by that I don't think of them both, but for some reason today feelings and emotions are really strong!!! As I was on my way to work this morning I had this overwhelming thought of how it would be for Taylor to have a living sibling, what a great sister she would be/is... Lots of thoughts!!! Taylor loves to look at pictures of Brady, of course she calls him Baby Brady;))) It makes me smile!!! She is amazing, a true miracle and a blessing to Justin and I. I truly celebrate her life everyday.
Taylor is 2yrs and 3 mths and growing rapidly before my eyes!!!!
She loves gymnastics, she loves kids and is obsessed with babies;)) She loves mickey and Minnie mouse, little Einsteins, Doc McStuffins and Sophia the First!!! she eats whatever is put in front of her, her vocabulary is unbelievable, communication is like a small adult;))) Her Manners are precious: "Thank you so much Momma", "No 'e' Mam", "Yes 'e' Mam", not sure where the 'e' is coming from but it is precious;)) She is just our precious miracle that continues to amaze us daily- We love that girl!!!!
On days like today when the thought of my babies is some what tough, I choose to rejoice over our miracle and remember the beautiful 3 months that we shared with Brady!!!
Love you two!!!
Taylor is 2yrs and 3 mths and growing rapidly before my eyes!!!!
She loves gymnastics, she loves kids and is obsessed with babies;)) She loves mickey and Minnie mouse, little Einsteins, Doc McStuffins and Sophia the First!!! she eats whatever is put in front of her, her vocabulary is unbelievable, communication is like a small adult;))) Her Manners are precious: "Thank you so much Momma", "No 'e' Mam", "Yes 'e' Mam", not sure where the 'e' is coming from but it is precious;)) She is just our precious miracle that continues to amaze us daily- We love that girl!!!!
On days like today when the thought of my babies is some what tough, I choose to rejoice over our miracle and remember the beautiful 3 months that we shared with Brady!!!
Love you two!!!
Thursday, August 21, 2014
5 Painful Days
8/20/14- It was two years ago today , 2.5 months after Brady and Taylor were born that Brady was transported to CHOA- And we were informed by Egleston's NICU team of Brady's true Brain damage/Injury. I will never forget these next 5 days as long as I live. It was meetings with second/third opinions, many questions, and major decisions. It was real, the damage had been there, and we were just finding out! The pain is just as real today as it was then, I would say this second year is even a little more painful than that 1 year anniversary;( But the only difference is that I have peace in knowing that God is continuing to use Brady in changing so many lives!!!!
I am gearing up for August 25th, as it will be painful but we will celebrate him and his life .................
I am gearing up for August 25th, as it will be painful but we will celebrate him and his life .................
Thursday, May 29, 2014
"The Day"
5/28/14- May 28th probably just seems like any old day to most people, but today two years later this day is very significant to me. On this day two years ago, I drove to my call shift at 6:00 am just like any old day, I was 26 5/7 weeks pregnant. It was busy, four deliveries and two C-sections later, I didn't feel right, but never in a million years did I imagine that pre-term labor would admit me to the hospital where I would hang out until I delivered but It did;((( Well now two years later this day just reminds me of the beginning of so many life changing events....... So today I decided I would stay busy and enjoy/love/hug/kiss/laugh/and squeeze my precious little miracle who has picked me up and carried me through this heart wrenching whirl wind of a ride!!! I love you Taylor;)))))
Several times today I just stopped and said this little girl is amazing;)) She is 23 months, 20.5 months adjusted (one month from now I don't ever have to hear adjusted age ever again;))))) , and she is talking in sentences, writes with a pen like an adult with both hands and tells me as she is writing a line and a circle, she says "ABC and 123", she is really using her Spanish that Mrs Elba teaches her, She dances to all kinds of music, etc, but most importantly she makes me smile all day every day.
Brady taught me what being a mommy is all about and I am so proud but sad to say that having lost him has made me a better Mommy, never taking one day/one minute/one second for granted.
I am still struggling with the conversation of children ;( twice in one week I have left a conversation feeling horrible. I don't know when this will become easy, but right now its sucks.
The question how many children do you have? or Is she your only one?, and I hesitate and then say Yes, b/c I don't want to make them feel bad or ackward in telling them that I had a son who passed away!! But then I leave feeling horrible b/c I didn't tell someone about my precious Son Brady who was 7lb 14 oz when he passed, whom I got to hold and love and kiss for 3 months, who God needed more than I did. I know that in time, this will get easier but right now its not.
Well, these are just my feelings today!! For some reason I will never forget this day as long as I live, b/c it knocked me off my feet just two years ago and made me realize a lot about life.
Taylor Reese and Brady Wiles, Mommy and Daddy love you two so much;)))))))
Several times today I just stopped and said this little girl is amazing;)) She is 23 months, 20.5 months adjusted (one month from now I don't ever have to hear adjusted age ever again;))))) , and she is talking in sentences, writes with a pen like an adult with both hands and tells me as she is writing a line and a circle, she says "ABC and 123", she is really using her Spanish that Mrs Elba teaches her, She dances to all kinds of music, etc, but most importantly she makes me smile all day every day.
Brady taught me what being a mommy is all about and I am so proud but sad to say that having lost him has made me a better Mommy, never taking one day/one minute/one second for granted.
I am still struggling with the conversation of children ;( twice in one week I have left a conversation feeling horrible. I don't know when this will become easy, but right now its sucks.
The question how many children do you have? or Is she your only one?, and I hesitate and then say Yes, b/c I don't want to make them feel bad or ackward in telling them that I had a son who passed away!! But then I leave feeling horrible b/c I didn't tell someone about my precious Son Brady who was 7lb 14 oz when he passed, whom I got to hold and love and kiss for 3 months, who God needed more than I did. I know that in time, this will get easier but right now its not.
Well, these are just my feelings today!! For some reason I will never forget this day as long as I live, b/c it knocked me off my feet just two years ago and made me realize a lot about life.
Taylor Reese and Brady Wiles, Mommy and Daddy love you two so much;)))))))
Saturday, May 3, 2014
" So Many Blessings, yet so much heartache"
5/3/14- Taylor will be 23 months actual age (20.5 months adjusted) in just a few days. She is amazing!!!! She really does blow my mind everyday. She is such a neat kid, her routine is so sweet- When Justin gets home from work she runs to the door saying " Hi DaDa, tractor vroom vroom, peeeese, peeese" And this is everyday!! So they cruise the property on daddy's tractor for about 30 minutes and then she says, " Truck, Truck, get keys", so next they sit in Justin's work truck while she pretends to drive, and she is not happy unless he is sitting next to her!! This kid spends majority of her day outside playing/running/hugging dogs, etc. But a tractor ride everyday is a must;)))) No one could imagine what joy this brings to me to see Justin and Taylor have such a special relationship- she loves her daddy and boy does he love her!!!!!!! Taylor loves everyone, she especially loves kids!! We go to the park once or twice per week and the first thing she says to any kids that are there is " Come on Kids" as she is waving them over;)) She says Hug, Hug to any child that is around until they give her a hug!!!! She is so loving. She absolutely loves baby dolls- she sleeps with 5 babies;)) She eats anything, and eats very good!! She doesn't really have a favorite, she likes it all!!! She does love milk, and of course cookies!!!! We have started to introduce potty training- she loves to tell you that she is peeing and pooping while it is taking place and she loves to take you to the bathroom and point to the toilet and say teetee or poopoo, but she doesn't want to actually go on potty!! But we are in no rush, we are just having fun with her learning;))) Favorite things to say: " I did it, yay", " be careful", "Table, pike, v-sit (as she performs her gymnastics)", " sit down mama", " Go outside", " Tractor Vroom Vroom", " Papa Hold you, ride combine" ( She repeats combine over and over until papa takes her for a ride on the combine".
I love this girl so much!!!! She is my saving grace!!
Well, she has started saying something new recently. She has started referencing Brady as her Brother, she says" Brady Broder"!!! I absolutely love it, but it breaks my heart b/c I dread the day that she understands and wants to know why Brady lives with Jesus!! Right now she looks at his pictures and says, "Brady Night Night"!!! Her innocence is precious!!! I just remind myself that I can do this;))))
Well, I have to admit that this second year has not been easy, I miss Brady so much, more than words!! I find myself trying to make sense of why God needed him more than me, I sometimes ask out loud why didn't I deserve him, I ask my self lots of questions and I just can't help it. I'm still sad, I'm still mad, I'm still in disbelief, etc.. My compassionate friends group told me that this would be a hard year and I didn't want to believe it, but it is hard. I am waiting patiently yet working diligently toward healing. My best days are when I am at work, I love my job- I am so lucky to have a job that I love, it is busy, great people and it keeps me focused. My off days are hard b/c I allow my self to think about what could have been, and what should have been and I want it so bad, but I will never get to experience raising Brady and Taylor together, I can only dream of it!!!!!!! Boy is it a Beautiful dream to think about-that is all I have!!!!! I just continue to pray and I know that in time that just like I have already come a long way I will continue to heal even further. Right now it just feels really bad!!!
Three things I am so proud of that keeps me going is my precious Miracle Taylor who is amazing, My rock of a husband and the fact that these two precious babies are continuing to impact so many lives- Team Brady and Taylor raised almost $14,000 dollars for March of Dimes and will continue to support in raising awareness of prematurity.
Sweet Taylor and Angel Brady, Mommy and Daddy love you so much!!!!!!!
I love this girl so much!!!! She is my saving grace!!
Well, she has started saying something new recently. She has started referencing Brady as her Brother, she says" Brady Broder"!!! I absolutely love it, but it breaks my heart b/c I dread the day that she understands and wants to know why Brady lives with Jesus!! Right now she looks at his pictures and says, "Brady Night Night"!!! Her innocence is precious!!! I just remind myself that I can do this;))))
Well, I have to admit that this second year has not been easy, I miss Brady so much, more than words!! I find myself trying to make sense of why God needed him more than me, I sometimes ask out loud why didn't I deserve him, I ask my self lots of questions and I just can't help it. I'm still sad, I'm still mad, I'm still in disbelief, etc.. My compassionate friends group told me that this would be a hard year and I didn't want to believe it, but it is hard. I am waiting patiently yet working diligently toward healing. My best days are when I am at work, I love my job- I am so lucky to have a job that I love, it is busy, great people and it keeps me focused. My off days are hard b/c I allow my self to think about what could have been, and what should have been and I want it so bad, but I will never get to experience raising Brady and Taylor together, I can only dream of it!!!!!!! Boy is it a Beautiful dream to think about-that is all I have!!!!! I just continue to pray and I know that in time that just like I have already come a long way I will continue to heal even further. Right now it just feels really bad!!!
Three things I am so proud of that keeps me going is my precious Miracle Taylor who is amazing, My rock of a husband and the fact that these two precious babies are continuing to impact so many lives- Team Brady and Taylor raised almost $14,000 dollars for March of Dimes and will continue to support in raising awareness of prematurity.
Sweet Taylor and Angel Brady, Mommy and Daddy love you so much!!!!!!!
Saturday, March 29, 2014
3/29/14- " My heart is smiling"....
3/29/14- Today has been such an incredible day- I watched my precious little Taylor enjoy swimming lessons with Justin and then we enjoyed a cookies and milk birthday party for two of Taylors sweet friends and one of mommy's dear friends and then I watched Taylor, Kieran, and Gracie play tonight at Kieran's 2nd birthday party- no one would ever believe us if we told them our stories. These three precious babies were all born far too early, but have more than beat the odds, but unfortunately we all had to say goodbye to one of our twins. I am so thankful for these ladies, I don't think I could ever truly tell them what there friendships have done for me.
As I watched them all play tonight, I thanked god for his true blessing/miracle in Taylor.
While I remember everyday how blessed we are to have Taylor who managed to overcome every obstacle that could be for a 28 weeker, I also remember that our other precious Baby endured every last obstacle and just wasn't able to overcome them.
As we inch closer and closer to their second birthday, I am overjoyed at what an incredible little girl Taylor has grown into, but it makes me miss Brady more and more-because I just can't help but WONDER?
But everytime I think of that little boy, or I miss that little boy, or I cry about my little boy- I hug Taylor a little tighter and I formulate my next goal for contributing to march of dimes to fight against prematurity!!!
Well, I just wanted to share about this beautiful day we shared with beautiful people!!!
As I watched them all play tonight, I thanked god for his true blessing/miracle in Taylor.
While I remember everyday how blessed we are to have Taylor who managed to overcome every obstacle that could be for a 28 weeker, I also remember that our other precious Baby endured every last obstacle and just wasn't able to overcome them.
As we inch closer and closer to their second birthday, I am overjoyed at what an incredible little girl Taylor has grown into, but it makes me miss Brady more and more-because I just can't help but WONDER?
But everytime I think of that little boy, or I miss that little boy, or I cry about my little boy- I hug Taylor a little tighter and I formulate my next goal for contributing to march of dimes to fight against prematurity!!!
Well, I just wanted to share about this beautiful day we shared with beautiful people!!!
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
20 months old.......4 months until it has been 2 years!!!!!!!
2/19/14- The past couple of days, I have just felt consumed with his presence!!!!!!! Brady's presence that is..........WHY....... I don't know, but I have felt him with me;))) What a great feeling!!! When I feel him it makes me love Taylor even stronger and I never imagined I could love her anymore.
Taylor is 20 months which seems absolulely obsurd to me, but she will definitely be 2 years old in 4 months. I am not sure where the time has gone, but while it is been very emotionally trying it has been so incredible watching my precious little miracle grow into the amazing toddler she is today.
I often say out loud " That little girl right in front of me was 2lbs and 28 weeks, no one would ever believe me", I think to myself how lucky we are that she escaped all of the complications that her precious brother had to endure. He saved her life, he really did, while he had to sacrifice his own!!!!
I love you Brady and I miss you every day- I flash back to the 3 months that I got to love you and hold you and read to you and smell you- oh I miss you, but I smile bigger and bigger when I think of the life that you are living everyday!!!
While Gods master plan is very hard to understand, your purpose is apparent and you have touched and changed so many lives!!!
Your sister loves looking at your pictures, she kisses you, she pats your face, and she is learning all about you!!!! You will live on with us forever until we meet again my precious little boy!!!!
We love you, Mommy, Daddy and Taylor
Taylor is 20 months which seems absolulely obsurd to me, but she will definitely be 2 years old in 4 months. I am not sure where the time has gone, but while it is been very emotionally trying it has been so incredible watching my precious little miracle grow into the amazing toddler she is today.
I often say out loud " That little girl right in front of me was 2lbs and 28 weeks, no one would ever believe me", I think to myself how lucky we are that she escaped all of the complications that her precious brother had to endure. He saved her life, he really did, while he had to sacrifice his own!!!!
I love you Brady and I miss you every day- I flash back to the 3 months that I got to love you and hold you and read to you and smell you- oh I miss you, but I smile bigger and bigger when I think of the life that you are living everyday!!!
While Gods master plan is very hard to understand, your purpose is apparent and you have touched and changed so many lives!!!
Your sister loves looking at your pictures, she kisses you, she pats your face, and she is learning all about you!!!! You will live on with us forever until we meet again my precious little boy!!!!
We love you, Mommy, Daddy and Taylor
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Happy New Year;))) Taylor is almost 19 Months old and 16 Months without Brady!
1/4/2014- A New Year, A New Day, The New Us!!!!
I have been trying to blog for several weeks now, but for some reason it has been so hard!! So here goes.
I want to begin by wishing everyone a Happy New year!
Taylor is growing up so fast, she will be 19 months old in a week and I am not sure where the time has gone. She is running and playing like a big girl, she is talking unbelievably: Her favorite lines are "Unn get down", " Yone go bye-bye", "Go Nite-Nite"", "Eat-Eat"," Hi-Da-da", "Bye Da-Da" " More-More-More (with sign language), " Agua-Agua " if no response with giving her a cup of water, then she proceeds with "Water-Water", " Baby-Nite-Nite", "Hi-Hi or Hi errbody" as she waves with a pageant wave to everyone and I mean everyone" the other sentences are to be determined;))) She talks all day long and I love it. This kid does not know a stranger and she makes it her business to greet everyone around her with a smile /wave/ Hi;) She loves food, and she only wants big girl food on a big girl plate , and might I add she only wants a big girl cup these days- no need for a sippy cup (she thinks);))) She absolutely loves kids of all ages, but she especially loves babies and will do anything to get close to any baby around. She rocks/feeds/kisses and strollers her babies all day, except for when she takes a break to cook us a meal in her kitchen (while she says over and over-cook-cook-cook and periodically taste what she is cooking and says YUMMMMM!!!) I love this girl, she is amazing and thank God for her everyday!!! She has truly saved me!!!! Taylor Reese you are my saving Grace and one day I will tell you all about it!!!! But I can't help but believe we are seeing Brady Shine through her everyday!!!!
As for Brady, of course I miss him more than ever!!! The pain is not any better, I am just learning better how to live with it. But Brady is just as amazing as Taylor and this holiday season more than proved that to me!! He is continuing to touch lives, change practices, and move mountains. Both of my babies have touched so many and that was apparent by seeing our community come together and donate in their honor to the March of Dimes a whopping $8600 in less than 3months. That speaks volumes and I believe that Brady is continuing his work hear from a far and I know that will continue!!!
Not sure why, but I have really been having a hard time recently. I have been to his grave site more recently than ever, while I know he is not physically there I feel that desire and need to go and be with him. I want to hold him, smell him, feed him, bathe him, etc......... I know I will again someday!!! I have joined an incredible group-The Compassionate Friends group and we meet in Griffin once a month and that has really helped b/c it is all parents of deceased children, so we all know and understand. I know that feelings will surface time to time and I know that living with this is the new us, and I am just slowly continuing to adjust to living this new normal. I am praying for increased closure in 2014 for some anger that I have held onto in the loss of my precious Brady. God as my leader has continued to show me the way in my healing. I love you dearly my precious Brady and I know that you are just as beautiful as your precious twin sister, I can only imagine how precious you are and I can imagine your glow!!! We will continue to speak of you and speak to you so that your sister knows just how special you are!! WE LOVE YOU BUDDY AND MISS YOU SO MUCH!!! UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN!!
Love, Mommy, Daddy, and Taylor
I have been trying to blog for several weeks now, but for some reason it has been so hard!! So here goes.
I want to begin by wishing everyone a Happy New year!
Taylor is growing up so fast, she will be 19 months old in a week and I am not sure where the time has gone. She is running and playing like a big girl, she is talking unbelievably: Her favorite lines are "Unn get down", " Yone go bye-bye", "Go Nite-Nite"", "Eat-Eat"," Hi-Da-da", "Bye Da-Da" " More-More-More (with sign language), " Agua-Agua " if no response with giving her a cup of water, then she proceeds with "Water-Water", " Baby-Nite-Nite", "Hi-Hi or Hi errbody" as she waves with a pageant wave to everyone and I mean everyone" the other sentences are to be determined;))) She talks all day long and I love it. This kid does not know a stranger and she makes it her business to greet everyone around her with a smile /wave/ Hi;) She loves food, and she only wants big girl food on a big girl plate , and might I add she only wants a big girl cup these days- no need for a sippy cup (she thinks);))) She absolutely loves kids of all ages, but she especially loves babies and will do anything to get close to any baby around. She rocks/feeds/kisses and strollers her babies all day, except for when she takes a break to cook us a meal in her kitchen (while she says over and over-cook-cook-cook and periodically taste what she is cooking and says YUMMMMM!!!) I love this girl, she is amazing and thank God for her everyday!!! She has truly saved me!!!! Taylor Reese you are my saving Grace and one day I will tell you all about it!!!! But I can't help but believe we are seeing Brady Shine through her everyday!!!!
As for Brady, of course I miss him more than ever!!! The pain is not any better, I am just learning better how to live with it. But Brady is just as amazing as Taylor and this holiday season more than proved that to me!! He is continuing to touch lives, change practices, and move mountains. Both of my babies have touched so many and that was apparent by seeing our community come together and donate in their honor to the March of Dimes a whopping $8600 in less than 3months. That speaks volumes and I believe that Brady is continuing his work hear from a far and I know that will continue!!!
Not sure why, but I have really been having a hard time recently. I have been to his grave site more recently than ever, while I know he is not physically there I feel that desire and need to go and be with him. I want to hold him, smell him, feed him, bathe him, etc......... I know I will again someday!!! I have joined an incredible group-The Compassionate Friends group and we meet in Griffin once a month and that has really helped b/c it is all parents of deceased children, so we all know and understand. I know that feelings will surface time to time and I know that living with this is the new us, and I am just slowly continuing to adjust to living this new normal. I am praying for increased closure in 2014 for some anger that I have held onto in the loss of my precious Brady. God as my leader has continued to show me the way in my healing. I love you dearly my precious Brady and I know that you are just as beautiful as your precious twin sister, I can only imagine how precious you are and I can imagine your glow!!! We will continue to speak of you and speak to you so that your sister knows just how special you are!! WE LOVE YOU BUDDY AND MISS YOU SO MUCH!!! UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN!!
Love, Mommy, Daddy, and Taylor
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