5/28/14- May 28th probably just seems like any old day to most people, but today two years later this day is very significant to me. On this day two years ago, I drove to my call shift at 6:00 am just like any old day, I was 26 5/7 weeks pregnant. It was busy, four deliveries and two C-sections later, I didn't feel right, but never in a million years did I imagine that pre-term labor would admit me to the hospital where I would hang out until I delivered but It did;((( Well now two years later this day just reminds me of the beginning of so many life changing events....... So today I decided I would stay busy and enjoy/love/hug/kiss/laugh/and squeeze my precious little miracle who has picked me up and carried me through this heart wrenching whirl wind of a ride!!! I love you Taylor;)))))
Several times today I just stopped and said this little girl is amazing;)) She is 23 months, 20.5 months adjusted (one month from now I don't ever have to hear adjusted age ever again;))))) , and she is talking in sentences, writes with a pen like an adult with both hands and tells me as she is writing a line and a circle, she says "ABC and 123", she is really using her Spanish that Mrs Elba teaches her, She dances to all kinds of music, etc, but most importantly she makes me smile all day every day.
Brady taught me what being a mommy is all about and I am so proud but sad to say that having lost him has made me a better Mommy, never taking one day/one minute/one second for granted.
I am still struggling with the conversation of children ;( twice in one week I have left a conversation feeling horrible. I don't know when this will become easy, but right now its sucks.
The question how many children do you have? or Is she your only one?, and I hesitate and then say Yes, b/c I don't want to make them feel bad or ackward in telling them that I had a son who passed away!! But then I leave feeling horrible b/c I didn't tell someone about my precious Son Brady who was 7lb 14 oz when he passed, whom I got to hold and love and kiss for 3 months, who God needed more than I did. I know that in time, this will get easier but right now its not.
Well, these are just my feelings today!! For some reason I will never forget this day as long as I live, b/c it knocked me off my feet just two years ago and made me realize a lot about life.
Taylor Reese and Brady Wiles, Mommy and Daddy love you two so much;)))))))
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Saturday, May 3, 2014
" So Many Blessings, yet so much heartache"
5/3/14- Taylor will be 23 months actual age (20.5 months adjusted) in just a few days. She is amazing!!!! She really does blow my mind everyday. She is such a neat kid, her routine is so sweet- When Justin gets home from work she runs to the door saying " Hi DaDa, tractor vroom vroom, peeeese, peeese" And this is everyday!! So they cruise the property on daddy's tractor for about 30 minutes and then she says, " Truck, Truck, get keys", so next they sit in Justin's work truck while she pretends to drive, and she is not happy unless he is sitting next to her!! This kid spends majority of her day outside playing/running/hugging dogs, etc. But a tractor ride everyday is a must;)))) No one could imagine what joy this brings to me to see Justin and Taylor have such a special relationship- she loves her daddy and boy does he love her!!!!!!! Taylor loves everyone, she especially loves kids!! We go to the park once or twice per week and the first thing she says to any kids that are there is " Come on Kids" as she is waving them over;)) She says Hug, Hug to any child that is around until they give her a hug!!!! She is so loving. She absolutely loves baby dolls- she sleeps with 5 babies;)) She eats anything, and eats very good!! She doesn't really have a favorite, she likes it all!!! She does love milk, and of course cookies!!!! We have started to introduce potty training- she loves to tell you that she is peeing and pooping while it is taking place and she loves to take you to the bathroom and point to the toilet and say teetee or poopoo, but she doesn't want to actually go on potty!! But we are in no rush, we are just having fun with her learning;))) Favorite things to say: " I did it, yay", " be careful", "Table, pike, v-sit (as she performs her gymnastics)", " sit down mama", " Go outside", " Tractor Vroom Vroom", " Papa Hold you, ride combine" ( She repeats combine over and over until papa takes her for a ride on the combine".
I love this girl so much!!!! She is my saving grace!!
Well, she has started saying something new recently. She has started referencing Brady as her Brother, she says" Brady Broder"!!! I absolutely love it, but it breaks my heart b/c I dread the day that she understands and wants to know why Brady lives with Jesus!! Right now she looks at his pictures and says, "Brady Night Night"!!! Her innocence is precious!!! I just remind myself that I can do this;))))
Well, I have to admit that this second year has not been easy, I miss Brady so much, more than words!! I find myself trying to make sense of why God needed him more than me, I sometimes ask out loud why didn't I deserve him, I ask my self lots of questions and I just can't help it. I'm still sad, I'm still mad, I'm still in disbelief, etc.. My compassionate friends group told me that this would be a hard year and I didn't want to believe it, but it is hard. I am waiting patiently yet working diligently toward healing. My best days are when I am at work, I love my job- I am so lucky to have a job that I love, it is busy, great people and it keeps me focused. My off days are hard b/c I allow my self to think about what could have been, and what should have been and I want it so bad, but I will never get to experience raising Brady and Taylor together, I can only dream of it!!!!!!! Boy is it a Beautiful dream to think about-that is all I have!!!!! I just continue to pray and I know that in time that just like I have already come a long way I will continue to heal even further. Right now it just feels really bad!!!
Three things I am so proud of that keeps me going is my precious Miracle Taylor who is amazing, My rock of a husband and the fact that these two precious babies are continuing to impact so many lives- Team Brady and Taylor raised almost $14,000 dollars for March of Dimes and will continue to support in raising awareness of prematurity.
Sweet Taylor and Angel Brady, Mommy and Daddy love you so much!!!!!!!
I love this girl so much!!!! She is my saving grace!!
Well, she has started saying something new recently. She has started referencing Brady as her Brother, she says" Brady Broder"!!! I absolutely love it, but it breaks my heart b/c I dread the day that she understands and wants to know why Brady lives with Jesus!! Right now she looks at his pictures and says, "Brady Night Night"!!! Her innocence is precious!!! I just remind myself that I can do this;))))
Well, I have to admit that this second year has not been easy, I miss Brady so much, more than words!! I find myself trying to make sense of why God needed him more than me, I sometimes ask out loud why didn't I deserve him, I ask my self lots of questions and I just can't help it. I'm still sad, I'm still mad, I'm still in disbelief, etc.. My compassionate friends group told me that this would be a hard year and I didn't want to believe it, but it is hard. I am waiting patiently yet working diligently toward healing. My best days are when I am at work, I love my job- I am so lucky to have a job that I love, it is busy, great people and it keeps me focused. My off days are hard b/c I allow my self to think about what could have been, and what should have been and I want it so bad, but I will never get to experience raising Brady and Taylor together, I can only dream of it!!!!!!! Boy is it a Beautiful dream to think about-that is all I have!!!!! I just continue to pray and I know that in time that just like I have already come a long way I will continue to heal even further. Right now it just feels really bad!!!
Three things I am so proud of that keeps me going is my precious Miracle Taylor who is amazing, My rock of a husband and the fact that these two precious babies are continuing to impact so many lives- Team Brady and Taylor raised almost $14,000 dollars for March of Dimes and will continue to support in raising awareness of prematurity.
Sweet Taylor and Angel Brady, Mommy and Daddy love you so much!!!!!!!
Saturday, March 29, 2014
3/29/14- " My heart is smiling"....
3/29/14- Today has been such an incredible day- I watched my precious little Taylor enjoy swimming lessons with Justin and then we enjoyed a cookies and milk birthday party for two of Taylors sweet friends and one of mommy's dear friends and then I watched Taylor, Kieran, and Gracie play tonight at Kieran's 2nd birthday party- no one would ever believe us if we told them our stories. These three precious babies were all born far too early, but have more than beat the odds, but unfortunately we all had to say goodbye to one of our twins. I am so thankful for these ladies, I don't think I could ever truly tell them what there friendships have done for me.
As I watched them all play tonight, I thanked god for his true blessing/miracle in Taylor.
While I remember everyday how blessed we are to have Taylor who managed to overcome every obstacle that could be for a 28 weeker, I also remember that our other precious Baby endured every last obstacle and just wasn't able to overcome them.
As we inch closer and closer to their second birthday, I am overjoyed at what an incredible little girl Taylor has grown into, but it makes me miss Brady more and more-because I just can't help but WONDER?
But everytime I think of that little boy, or I miss that little boy, or I cry about my little boy- I hug Taylor a little tighter and I formulate my next goal for contributing to march of dimes to fight against prematurity!!!
Well, I just wanted to share about this beautiful day we shared with beautiful people!!!
As I watched them all play tonight, I thanked god for his true blessing/miracle in Taylor.
While I remember everyday how blessed we are to have Taylor who managed to overcome every obstacle that could be for a 28 weeker, I also remember that our other precious Baby endured every last obstacle and just wasn't able to overcome them.
As we inch closer and closer to their second birthday, I am overjoyed at what an incredible little girl Taylor has grown into, but it makes me miss Brady more and more-because I just can't help but WONDER?
But everytime I think of that little boy, or I miss that little boy, or I cry about my little boy- I hug Taylor a little tighter and I formulate my next goal for contributing to march of dimes to fight against prematurity!!!
Well, I just wanted to share about this beautiful day we shared with beautiful people!!!
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
20 months old.......4 months until it has been 2 years!!!!!!!
2/19/14- The past couple of days, I have just felt consumed with his presence!!!!!!! Brady's presence that is..........WHY....... I don't know, but I have felt him with me;))) What a great feeling!!! When I feel him it makes me love Taylor even stronger and I never imagined I could love her anymore.
Taylor is 20 months which seems absolulely obsurd to me, but she will definitely be 2 years old in 4 months. I am not sure where the time has gone, but while it is been very emotionally trying it has been so incredible watching my precious little miracle grow into the amazing toddler she is today.
I often say out loud " That little girl right in front of me was 2lbs and 28 weeks, no one would ever believe me", I think to myself how lucky we are that she escaped all of the complications that her precious brother had to endure. He saved her life, he really did, while he had to sacrifice his own!!!!
I love you Brady and I miss you every day- I flash back to the 3 months that I got to love you and hold you and read to you and smell you- oh I miss you, but I smile bigger and bigger when I think of the life that you are living everyday!!!
While Gods master plan is very hard to understand, your purpose is apparent and you have touched and changed so many lives!!!
Your sister loves looking at your pictures, she kisses you, she pats your face, and she is learning all about you!!!! You will live on with us forever until we meet again my precious little boy!!!!
We love you, Mommy, Daddy and Taylor
Taylor is 20 months which seems absolulely obsurd to me, but she will definitely be 2 years old in 4 months. I am not sure where the time has gone, but while it is been very emotionally trying it has been so incredible watching my precious little miracle grow into the amazing toddler she is today.
I often say out loud " That little girl right in front of me was 2lbs and 28 weeks, no one would ever believe me", I think to myself how lucky we are that she escaped all of the complications that her precious brother had to endure. He saved her life, he really did, while he had to sacrifice his own!!!!
I love you Brady and I miss you every day- I flash back to the 3 months that I got to love you and hold you and read to you and smell you- oh I miss you, but I smile bigger and bigger when I think of the life that you are living everyday!!!
While Gods master plan is very hard to understand, your purpose is apparent and you have touched and changed so many lives!!!
Your sister loves looking at your pictures, she kisses you, she pats your face, and she is learning all about you!!!! You will live on with us forever until we meet again my precious little boy!!!!
We love you, Mommy, Daddy and Taylor
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Happy New Year;))) Taylor is almost 19 Months old and 16 Months without Brady!
1/4/2014- A New Year, A New Day, The New Us!!!!
I have been trying to blog for several weeks now, but for some reason it has been so hard!! So here goes.
I want to begin by wishing everyone a Happy New year!
Taylor is growing up so fast, she will be 19 months old in a week and I am not sure where the time has gone. She is running and playing like a big girl, she is talking unbelievably: Her favorite lines are "Unn get down", " Yone go bye-bye", "Go Nite-Nite"", "Eat-Eat"," Hi-Da-da", "Bye Da-Da" " More-More-More (with sign language), " Agua-Agua " if no response with giving her a cup of water, then she proceeds with "Water-Water", " Baby-Nite-Nite", "Hi-Hi or Hi errbody" as she waves with a pageant wave to everyone and I mean everyone" the other sentences are to be determined;))) She talks all day long and I love it. This kid does not know a stranger and she makes it her business to greet everyone around her with a smile /wave/ Hi;) She loves food, and she only wants big girl food on a big girl plate , and might I add she only wants a big girl cup these days- no need for a sippy cup (she thinks);))) She absolutely loves kids of all ages, but she especially loves babies and will do anything to get close to any baby around. She rocks/feeds/kisses and strollers her babies all day, except for when she takes a break to cook us a meal in her kitchen (while she says over and over-cook-cook-cook and periodically taste what she is cooking and says YUMMMMM!!!) I love this girl, she is amazing and thank God for her everyday!!! She has truly saved me!!!! Taylor Reese you are my saving Grace and one day I will tell you all about it!!!! But I can't help but believe we are seeing Brady Shine through her everyday!!!!
As for Brady, of course I miss him more than ever!!! The pain is not any better, I am just learning better how to live with it. But Brady is just as amazing as Taylor and this holiday season more than proved that to me!! He is continuing to touch lives, change practices, and move mountains. Both of my babies have touched so many and that was apparent by seeing our community come together and donate in their honor to the March of Dimes a whopping $8600 in less than 3months. That speaks volumes and I believe that Brady is continuing his work hear from a far and I know that will continue!!!
Not sure why, but I have really been having a hard time recently. I have been to his grave site more recently than ever, while I know he is not physically there I feel that desire and need to go and be with him. I want to hold him, smell him, feed him, bathe him, etc......... I know I will again someday!!! I have joined an incredible group-The Compassionate Friends group and we meet in Griffin once a month and that has really helped b/c it is all parents of deceased children, so we all know and understand. I know that feelings will surface time to time and I know that living with this is the new us, and I am just slowly continuing to adjust to living this new normal. I am praying for increased closure in 2014 for some anger that I have held onto in the loss of my precious Brady. God as my leader has continued to show me the way in my healing. I love you dearly my precious Brady and I know that you are just as beautiful as your precious twin sister, I can only imagine how precious you are and I can imagine your glow!!! We will continue to speak of you and speak to you so that your sister knows just how special you are!! WE LOVE YOU BUDDY AND MISS YOU SO MUCH!!! UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN!!
Love, Mommy, Daddy, and Taylor
I have been trying to blog for several weeks now, but for some reason it has been so hard!! So here goes.
I want to begin by wishing everyone a Happy New year!
Taylor is growing up so fast, she will be 19 months old in a week and I am not sure where the time has gone. She is running and playing like a big girl, she is talking unbelievably: Her favorite lines are "Unn get down", " Yone go bye-bye", "Go Nite-Nite"", "Eat-Eat"," Hi-Da-da", "Bye Da-Da" " More-More-More (with sign language), " Agua-Agua " if no response with giving her a cup of water, then she proceeds with "Water-Water", " Baby-Nite-Nite", "Hi-Hi or Hi errbody" as she waves with a pageant wave to everyone and I mean everyone" the other sentences are to be determined;))) She talks all day long and I love it. This kid does not know a stranger and she makes it her business to greet everyone around her with a smile /wave/ Hi;) She loves food, and she only wants big girl food on a big girl plate , and might I add she only wants a big girl cup these days- no need for a sippy cup (she thinks);))) She absolutely loves kids of all ages, but she especially loves babies and will do anything to get close to any baby around. She rocks/feeds/kisses and strollers her babies all day, except for when she takes a break to cook us a meal in her kitchen (while she says over and over-cook-cook-cook and periodically taste what she is cooking and says YUMMMMM!!!) I love this girl, she is amazing and thank God for her everyday!!! She has truly saved me!!!! Taylor Reese you are my saving Grace and one day I will tell you all about it!!!! But I can't help but believe we are seeing Brady Shine through her everyday!!!!
As for Brady, of course I miss him more than ever!!! The pain is not any better, I am just learning better how to live with it. But Brady is just as amazing as Taylor and this holiday season more than proved that to me!! He is continuing to touch lives, change practices, and move mountains. Both of my babies have touched so many and that was apparent by seeing our community come together and donate in their honor to the March of Dimes a whopping $8600 in less than 3months. That speaks volumes and I believe that Brady is continuing his work hear from a far and I know that will continue!!!
Not sure why, but I have really been having a hard time recently. I have been to his grave site more recently than ever, while I know he is not physically there I feel that desire and need to go and be with him. I want to hold him, smell him, feed him, bathe him, etc......... I know I will again someday!!! I have joined an incredible group-The Compassionate Friends group and we meet in Griffin once a month and that has really helped b/c it is all parents of deceased children, so we all know and understand. I know that feelings will surface time to time and I know that living with this is the new us, and I am just slowly continuing to adjust to living this new normal. I am praying for increased closure in 2014 for some anger that I have held onto in the loss of my precious Brady. God as my leader has continued to show me the way in my healing. I love you dearly my precious Brady and I know that you are just as beautiful as your precious twin sister, I can only imagine how precious you are and I can imagine your glow!!! We will continue to speak of you and speak to you so that your sister knows just how special you are!! WE LOVE YOU BUDDY AND MISS YOU SO MUCH!!! UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN!!
Love, Mommy, Daddy, and Taylor
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Where have almost 16 months gone????
Well we have been back from our incredible Road Trip for one week!!! We had a great time!!!
Our Trip went like this:
State 1- Colorado
- Almont Colorado- Harmels Ranch
- Gunnison, CO
- Crested Butte, CO
- Somerset, CO
- Paonia, CO
- Steam Boat Springs, CO
*Gunnison National Park -one side to the other and back
State 2- Wyoming
-Got pulled over for going 37 in a 30 in Baggs, WY and then 1.5 hours later got pulled over again for 40 in a 30 in Pinedale- No tickets;)))
- Jackson/Downtown Jackson Hole, WY
-Antler Inn
- Grand Teton National Park
-42 Mile Scenic loop
-Lake Jenny boat tour/shuttle
-Hiked up to hidden falls and inspiration point
-Grand Teton Village
-Yellow Stone National Park
1. Lewis River Canyon
2. Hayden Valley-Mud Volcano
3. Grand Canyon of Yellowstone
4. Norris Geysor Basin/Museum
5. Firehole Canyon/Falls
6. Midway Geyser Basin
7. Old Faithful Geyser
8. Roaring Mountain
9. Mammoth Hot springs
State 3- Montana
-West Yellowstone Montana
-Old town West Yellow Stone
-Brandin Iron Inn
-Old Town Cody, WY
-The Cody
-Buffalo Bill Museum
-Thermopolis Hot Mineral Springs
-Wyoming Dinosaur Museum
-Wind River Canyon scenic byway
-Casper, WY
-Cheyenne, WY
* We will definitely be returning next year to see all of Montana and back to Wyoming;)))) Taylor was a trooper, she rolled with the frequent hotel stays, lots of travel and even took one of her first steps in a rest area in Colorado;))))))
While attending our great friends wedding in Colorado Brady joined us at the ceremony, he gently landed on the brides hair during the ceremony, we felt his presence so many times during our travels and it was so warm and comforting!!!
Taylor is now 16 months actual and 13 months adjusted and she is such a little spitfire!!! She is walking and talking and into everything!!! Although she walks, she still drops and crawls like lightning when she wants to get somewhere real fast!!! She says, DaDa, Mama, bot-bot (bottle), night-night, goggie (doggie), Hi, Bye, Bye-Bye, Hello, Uh-oh, Yuck!!! Anything else that she says right now is her own language and we just respond and nod with a smile!! She loves unlocking our iphones and scrolling through each page!! She loves food- she weaned herself from baby food about three weeks ago and she is getting whole milk and loving it!!! Our little girl is growing up so fast. This warms my heart because there was definitely a time when I was fearful !!!! I love this girl.
So while I'm watching Taylor meet all of these incredible milestones my mind ventures off to the world of wondering how and why- how come i dont get to have both of my babies, how would Brady have sounded, how would he move, would he crawl, walk? Why, why, why??? I wonder if he would have theses beautiful eyes like Taylor, would he throw tantrums when he is tired like she does!!! The wonder that I have to live with consumes me!!!! Oh my goodness I never imagined I could make it 13 months with out him but I have, because I trust in god!!!
We Miss him so much everyday and we talk of him and to him everyday!!!! We look forward to seeing and holding him again one day, but until then we will remember him and continue to allow his life to impact others as he has done each and everyday!!!
I am so thrilled to be going to an event in November, where I we will share our story and continue to raise awareness of prematurity and preterm birth. This event will reach out to many from across the state of georgia!!! Brady and Taylor's Story is moving Mountains!!!!!!
Our Trip went like this:
State 1- Colorado
- Almont Colorado- Harmels Ranch
- Gunnison, CO
- Crested Butte, CO
- Somerset, CO
- Paonia, CO
- Steam Boat Springs, CO
*Gunnison National Park -one side to the other and back
State 2- Wyoming
-Got pulled over for going 37 in a 30 in Baggs, WY and then 1.5 hours later got pulled over again for 40 in a 30 in Pinedale- No tickets;)))
- Jackson/Downtown Jackson Hole, WY
-Antler Inn
- Grand Teton National Park
-42 Mile Scenic loop
-Lake Jenny boat tour/shuttle
-Hiked up to hidden falls and inspiration point
-Grand Teton Village
-Yellow Stone National Park
1. Lewis River Canyon
2. Hayden Valley-Mud Volcano
3. Grand Canyon of Yellowstone
4. Norris Geysor Basin/Museum
5. Firehole Canyon/Falls
6. Midway Geyser Basin
7. Old Faithful Geyser
8. Roaring Mountain
9. Mammoth Hot springs
State 3- Montana
-West Yellowstone Montana
-Old town West Yellow Stone
-Brandin Iron Inn
-Old Town Cody, WY
-The Cody
-Buffalo Bill Museum
-Thermopolis Hot Mineral Springs
-Wyoming Dinosaur Museum
-Wind River Canyon scenic byway
-Casper, WY
-Cheyenne, WY
* We will definitely be returning next year to see all of Montana and back to Wyoming;)))) Taylor was a trooper, she rolled with the frequent hotel stays, lots of travel and even took one of her first steps in a rest area in Colorado;))))))
While attending our great friends wedding in Colorado Brady joined us at the ceremony, he gently landed on the brides hair during the ceremony, we felt his presence so many times during our travels and it was so warm and comforting!!!
Taylor is now 16 months actual and 13 months adjusted and she is such a little spitfire!!! She is walking and talking and into everything!!! Although she walks, she still drops and crawls like lightning when she wants to get somewhere real fast!!! She says, DaDa, Mama, bot-bot (bottle), night-night, goggie (doggie), Hi, Bye, Bye-Bye, Hello, Uh-oh, Yuck!!! Anything else that she says right now is her own language and we just respond and nod with a smile!! She loves unlocking our iphones and scrolling through each page!! She loves food- she weaned herself from baby food about three weeks ago and she is getting whole milk and loving it!!! Our little girl is growing up so fast. This warms my heart because there was definitely a time when I was fearful !!!! I love this girl.
So while I'm watching Taylor meet all of these incredible milestones my mind ventures off to the world of wondering how and why- how come i dont get to have both of my babies, how would Brady have sounded, how would he move, would he crawl, walk? Why, why, why??? I wonder if he would have theses beautiful eyes like Taylor, would he throw tantrums when he is tired like she does!!! The wonder that I have to live with consumes me!!!! Oh my goodness I never imagined I could make it 13 months with out him but I have, because I trust in god!!!
We Miss him so much everyday and we talk of him and to him everyday!!!! We look forward to seeing and holding him again one day, but until then we will remember him and continue to allow his life to impact others as he has done each and everyday!!!
I am so thrilled to be going to an event in November, where I we will share our story and continue to raise awareness of prematurity and preterm birth. This event will reach out to many from across the state of georgia!!! Brady and Taylor's Story is moving Mountains!!!!!!
Thursday, September 5, 2013
I made it ............
9/5/13-
Today was a GREAT day!!! I started the beginning of a tradition that I want to continue forever. My, mom, sister and I (hopefully one day my sis n law will be able to go;) )always go to the Yellow Daisy Festival, and this year Taylor Reese went with us- our special girls tradition!!!!!
It felt so good to have such a great day, b/c over the last year there have actually been a few times that I asked myself if I would ever have a Great Day again-even though I knew I would it felt impossible.
We went and celebrated Brady's anniversary and our 7th wedding anniversary at Rosemary Beach, it was painful, it was sad, anger came back, disappointment came back, every emotion that I felt just one short year ago. But, we meant that we were going to make it a celebration. So we lit a special candle meant for remembrance, and we allowed it to burn for 26 hours. I can't describe it, it actually felt like there was a presence amongst us, it was beautiful- in memory of our precious Brady!!!!! This trip was the beginning of me realizing that we can have fun still/again, we can live again, we can breathe again- all of those felt like they were gone. I am quite certain I have aged 10 years in the past year, but this was my turning point!!! This was an absolutely incredible trip!!
So many wild and reassuring signs:
I really believe that while I would never ask for Brady to be back here on earth, and while he will never be back in my arms here on earth- We will be together again for eternity!!!! I also know that god sends me beautiful symbolism of him, it is amazing!!!! There are days that I'm not sure I will make it through and low and behold, a beautiful butterfly will escort me down the drive, or hovever over me as I groom my flowers or lawn, and even times when I am crying while driving and one will just swoop down in front of the windshield. That is my reassurance that god hears me ;)))))
I can't make sense of some things, but I do feel certain that all that I endure is meant to aid in my healing process. Like the fact that everyday for this past year, I have either seen a set of twins or met someone with twins and I mean every single day. Although it is in a sense like daggers at times, it is therapeutic in making me work through my pain.
Brady Wiles has made me a person that I really like, I thought of myself as a good person: honest, sincere, loyal prior to my loss, but I am even more of the person I wanted to be- all of those things plus a woman who is very strong in my faith, and I look at life and people with a very different eye. Brady Wiles you are the most corageous person I know, you showed me more about life in 74 days than I have learned in my 33 years here on earth. I love you and miss you everyday!!! Oh what I would give to hold you, smell you, kiss you, feed you , on and on, just one more time- But I know the incredle journey you are on, live it up Buddy!!! We are taking great care of your sister- she is incredible!!!! We love you!!!!
Taylor Reese is so precious, beautiful, strong, brave, you name it!!! I love that girl!!!! She too has shown me what life is really about, one day I will tell her all about what her and her brother did for me and what they taught me!!!! Today my life is surrounded by positivity, I love my job, I have surrounded myself with people who value life and respect others as much as I do!!!! I love my family and friends- That is what life is all about!!!!!
We are taking our dream trip this month and are looking forward to having Taylor along with us as we take a road trip across Colorado, Wyoming, and Montana!!!!! We can't wait, and I can't wait to journal all about it!!!
Today was a GREAT day!!! I started the beginning of a tradition that I want to continue forever. My, mom, sister and I (hopefully one day my sis n law will be able to go;) )always go to the Yellow Daisy Festival, and this year Taylor Reese went with us- our special girls tradition!!!!!
It felt so good to have such a great day, b/c over the last year there have actually been a few times that I asked myself if I would ever have a Great Day again-even though I knew I would it felt impossible.
We went and celebrated Brady's anniversary and our 7th wedding anniversary at Rosemary Beach, it was painful, it was sad, anger came back, disappointment came back, every emotion that I felt just one short year ago. But, we meant that we were going to make it a celebration. So we lit a special candle meant for remembrance, and we allowed it to burn for 26 hours. I can't describe it, it actually felt like there was a presence amongst us, it was beautiful- in memory of our precious Brady!!!!! This trip was the beginning of me realizing that we can have fun still/again, we can live again, we can breathe again- all of those felt like they were gone. I am quite certain I have aged 10 years in the past year, but this was my turning point!!! This was an absolutely incredible trip!!
So many wild and reassuring signs:
I really believe that while I would never ask for Brady to be back here on earth, and while he will never be back in my arms here on earth- We will be together again for eternity!!!! I also know that god sends me beautiful symbolism of him, it is amazing!!!! There are days that I'm not sure I will make it through and low and behold, a beautiful butterfly will escort me down the drive, or hovever over me as I groom my flowers or lawn, and even times when I am crying while driving and one will just swoop down in front of the windshield. That is my reassurance that god hears me ;)))))
I can't make sense of some things, but I do feel certain that all that I endure is meant to aid in my healing process. Like the fact that everyday for this past year, I have either seen a set of twins or met someone with twins and I mean every single day. Although it is in a sense like daggers at times, it is therapeutic in making me work through my pain.
Brady Wiles has made me a person that I really like, I thought of myself as a good person: honest, sincere, loyal prior to my loss, but I am even more of the person I wanted to be- all of those things plus a woman who is very strong in my faith, and I look at life and people with a very different eye. Brady Wiles you are the most corageous person I know, you showed me more about life in 74 days than I have learned in my 33 years here on earth. I love you and miss you everyday!!! Oh what I would give to hold you, smell you, kiss you, feed you , on and on, just one more time- But I know the incredle journey you are on, live it up Buddy!!! We are taking great care of your sister- she is incredible!!!! We love you!!!!
Taylor Reese is so precious, beautiful, strong, brave, you name it!!! I love that girl!!!! She too has shown me what life is really about, one day I will tell her all about what her and her brother did for me and what they taught me!!!! Today my life is surrounded by positivity, I love my job, I have surrounded myself with people who value life and respect others as much as I do!!!! I love my family and friends- That is what life is all about!!!!!
We are taking our dream trip this month and are looking forward to having Taylor along with us as we take a road trip across Colorado, Wyoming, and Montana!!!!! We can't wait, and I can't wait to journal all about it!!!
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