April 27th, 2013- Well I haven't blogged in a while but as I sit here with tears in my eyes as i am sitting in this hospital room with my sweet Taylor brings back so many memories both good and bad of my precious Brady!!! Yes we are at the hospital, Taylor has croup and after two trips to Scottish rite in two days they decided to admit her, so here we are!! She is doing ok, just having a hard time shaking this so we are here until she is free if stridor without needing treatments, but we can't complain bc this her first time being sick in 10 month!!!!
The hardest part of this is that everything about this hospital makes me think of Brady- his smell, his machines, his sweet face,etc. I lost it today when I was bathing Taylor bc the last time I used a hospital pan to give a bath was right after Brady passed-as I prepared him for the funeral home!!! It was all to real!! So I streamed tears as I bathed her and Justin comforted me!!!! I miss that little boy!!!
Tonight did me in!!! I called for RT (respiratory therapy) bc Taylor needed to be suctioned, so once again we held her down ( thank goodness for Justin he is my rock once again), for the third time today as she kicked and screamed but I had to stay strong for her. Then another dreaded epi treatment!!!! She has been such a trooper but by this time she was ALL DONE!!! And so was I, again after it was all done, I rocked with her in my arms and comforted her and streamed tears bc I am tired of being strong!!! So tonight I let myself cry!!!! It felt good!! I love this little girl and everyday she reminds me of all that we have to be thankful for!! I continue to pray and my faith continues to pull me through!!!
On a positive note: Taylor is continuing to dominate!!! She is pulling up on everything and cruising around her crib and along couch, periodically she gets cocky and let's go and it scares her;) she def crawls now after months of army crawling but prefers standing!! The pediatrician that admitted her today said she couldn't believe she was a former 28 weeker- bc she is every bit of a 10 month old!!! That is music to my ears!!! Well I must get done rest while she is sleeping!! I love you Brady and Taylor !!!!!
Sweet brandy. Thank you for sharing not only so yourfriends and family know wwhat's going on with you but because your words bring much needed moments of quiet reflection and softening to me and others who were chosen to have angel babies.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about Taylor! Poor sweet girl. Thanks for sharing your heart. I can't imagine how many emotions go along with missing Brady and being back in the hospital. Praying for you guys!
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