4/2/17-
I have been very quite over the past couple of years and I don't like this b/c blogging has been therapeutic for me and has also allowed me to reach many others. Well there is a reason for this and until this point it is b/c I just wasn't ready to share.
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But first let me catch up for lost time by sharing about my precious Taylor Bug........She is such an amazing little Girl. I can't believe in just a few short months she will be 5 years old-- How did that happen. As each year that goes by she amazes us more and more and with passing time we realize daily just what a true miracle she is. She loves Pre-K and is so ready to be "5" and to be in Kindergarten-"She says I can't wait "!!!!! I am not ready to let her grow up but it is happening right before me..... I am so proud of her!!!!!
Well this might be super raw, but here goes.........
We have come a long way over the past 5 years, I can remember when I wasn't sure how I was going to put one foot in front of the other. We overcame the initial shock of delivering our twins at 28 weeks, my health complications immediate post delivery , the roller coaster ride of the NICU and then again my hemorrhage 5 weeks postpartum, and then the ultimate devastation of finding out we would likely have to say goodbye to our son, preparing hospice for him and then planning his funeral. But with our love and support for one another, our family/friend support and our drive to be the best that we could be for Taylor we came out on Top!!!!
It was from the very beginning that I asked God everyday to please guide me, give me strength, faith and guidance through this. I then also began to ask for clear cut answers for the future of our family. Initially having another child wasn't an option for me, not because I didn't want more children, but b/c I was scared!!!!! Well after almost 2 years of continuous prayers for guidance over what was to be for our family, it began to seem and feel abundantly clear to Justin and I that we should try and expand our family. Taylor was 3 years old and showed such a genuine love for other children and we felt that she deserved to have a living sibling. It was time!!!!
Well it has been a long 2 years to say the least!!!
July 2015 we were excited about this next Journey and ready to grow our family, of course nervous but definitely excited!!
November 2015 we had a miscarriage- we were very sad/disappointed, but had a healthy out look about it and just digested that facts that the pregnancy wasn't healthy enough to continue forward.
We pressed on, still super excited for what was to come for our family!!
April 2016 we had another miscarriage- Very sad of course and initially couldn't help but feel discouraged and I asked Why, Why did we have to give our son back , Why did we lose another in November and now again in April. WHY!!!! It was hard not to ask why, but I quickly recovered and reminded myself that this happens sometimes. And I reminded myself that trying for a year is not unusual and miscarriages aren't unusual. So I stayed positive and continued to pray for answers and guidance and I started to wonder if this was a subtle sign from what I had been praying for.
Well time continued to pass and I continued to appreciate Taylor more and more with each passing day, b/c she is truly my miracle.
3 months later-July 28th, 2016-It had been a Year so I decided to consult my OBGYN about doing some labs just to make sure at 36 years old I wasn't having any female changes.
August 2016- Much to my surprise all of my labs came back normal, EXCEPT for the one that I couldn't treat or change. Very Sad!!!!! My AMH Level was extremely, extremely low ( My ovarian reserve and egg store) was that of a 45 year old woman instead of being that of a 36 year old woman.
I cried, processed it, prayed about it and couldn't help but believe that this was another sign, but in my gut I still felt that I was meant to have another child for Taylor. So I continued to stay positive, swallowing any hurt I was feeling or disappointment.
From April 2016 to December 2016- with diligent trying and unable to conceive and strange symptoms and signs along the way, and a Consult with a reproductive Specialist who decided some test were warranted.
So here we were at a year and a half of trying to conceive with only 2 miscarriages......
December 2016- I had a procedure which many of us women have had, and HSG which determined inconclusive findings. So in February 2017 I had a pelvic MRI which was also inconclusive findings.
So finally last month March 2017, I found an Interventional Radiologist who specializes in a diagnostic procedure to confirm uterine abnormalities. He was able to give me a concrete answer.
So now at 37 years old, I have been diagnosed with a Unicornuate Uterus (being born with only one fallopian tube and essentially half of the uterine cavity). Finally I feel like so many questions are being answered!! He said I have no idea how you carried twins to 28 weeks gestation, now knowing that shape and size of your uterus. Taylor and Brady are true miracles.
So now in April 2017- knowing that my ovaries are functioning at a very low level and knowing that I only have one functional fallopian tube and knowing that my uterus is half of the normal size, we are thanking god everyday for our precious MIRACLE Here on earth b/c all odds were against her but she had and has a purpose here with us. She continues to show us everyday her love for life and her will for life.
I would be telling a lie if I said that this has been easy, it has actually taken a huge toll on me and I have struggled with some health complications over the past two years (especially in the past few months). But with the support of Justin and my love for Taylor and some amazing family and friends, again We have come out on Top.
I have never been so grateful for my incredible husband and the love that we share, my unbelievable little girl, and for my good health. And I am going to put my focus on loving this life b/c I am so incredibly blessed.
And while I am going to continue to pray daily for guidance for me and my family, I will also continue to pray for so many close friends and family around me who are going through devastating events in their lives......But I know that God has this!!!!!
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